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Miss Manners: Uninvited people keep showing up at my house, expecting to be entertained

The article titled "Miss Manners: Uninvited people keep showing up at my house" from the website MLive, published on July 15, 2025, addresses a common social dilemma faced by many individuals: dealing with uninvited guests. The piece is structured as an advice column, where the writer, known as Miss Manners, responds to a reader's query about how to handle the situation of people showing up at their home without an invitation.

The reader, who remains anonymous, expresses frustration and confusion about the recurring issue of uninvited guests. They describe a scenario where friends, acquaintances, and even distant relatives occasionally drop by their home unannounced, expecting to be welcomed and entertained. The reader mentions feeling overwhelmed and disrespected by these surprise visits, as they disrupt their personal time and plans. They seek guidance on how to address this issue without causing offense or damaging relationships.

Miss Manners begins her response by acknowledging the reader's feelings and validating their right to privacy and personal space. She emphasizes that while hospitality is a valued social norm, it should not come at the expense of one's comfort and well-being. Miss Manners suggests that the reader has every right to set boundaries and communicate them clearly to others.

To address the issue, Miss Manners offers several practical and polite strategies. First, she recommends that the reader establish a clear policy regarding unannounced visits. This can be done by casually mentioning in conversations with friends and family that they prefer to have prior notice before guests arrive. Miss Manners suggests using phrases like, "I love seeing you, but I need a little heads-up so I can make sure I'm available and prepared."

Second, Miss Manners advises the reader to be firm but polite when uninvited guests do show up. She suggests saying something like, "I'm so sorry, but this isn't a good time for me. Let's plan a visit for another day when I can give you my full attention." This approach communicates the reader's boundaries while still showing respect and consideration for the guest.

Third, Miss Manners encourages the reader to consider the cultural and social context of their relationships. She notes that in some cultures or social circles, dropping by unannounced is considered a normal and acceptable practice. In such cases, the reader may need to be more explicit about their preferences and explain that their personal circumstances require a different approach to socializing.

Miss Manners also touches on the importance of consistency in enforcing boundaries. She warns that if the reader occasionally allows uninvited guests to stay, it may send mixed signals and encourage more surprise visits. Instead, she advises maintaining a consistent stance and politely turning away uninvited guests every time, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.

To further illustrate her points, Miss Manners shares a few anecdotes from her own experience and those of other readers who have faced similar situations. One story involves a woman who successfully deterred uninvited guests by always having a busy schedule and suggesting alternative times for visits. Another anecdote describes a couple who installed a gate at their driveway and used it as a physical barrier to prevent unannounced visits.

Throughout the article, Miss Manners emphasizes the importance of clear communication and respect for one's own needs. She encourages the reader to prioritize their well-being and not feel guilty about setting boundaries. She also reminds the reader that true friends and family members will understand and respect their wishes.

In addition to the main advice, the article includes a sidebar with additional tips for dealing with uninvited guests. These tips include:

Setting Expectations Early: When forming new friendships or relationships, be upfront about your preferences regarding unannounced visits. This can prevent misunderstandings and set a precedent for future interactions.

Using Technology: Utilize tools like video doorbells or security cameras to screen visitors before answering the door. This can give you time to prepare or politely decline a visit if it's not convenient.

Creating a Guest Policy: If you frequently host gatherings or events, consider creating a guest policy that outlines your expectations for RSVPs and attendance. This can help manage expectations and reduce the likelihood of uninvited guests.

Practicing Assertiveness: Work on developing assertiveness skills to confidently communicate your boundaries. Role-playing with a friend or family member can help you practice saying "no" in a polite but firm manner.

Seeking Support: If uninvited guests are causing significant stress or anxiety, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor. They can provide additional strategies and coping mechanisms to manage the situation.

The article concludes with a reminder that setting boundaries is a normal and healthy part of any relationship. Miss Manners encourages the reader to be patient and persistent in communicating their needs, as it may take time for others to adjust to the new expectations.

Overall, the article provides a comprehensive and empathetic response to the reader's dilemma. It offers practical advice, real-life examples, and additional resources to help individuals navigate the challenging situation of uninvited guests. By emphasizing the importance of clear communication, respect for personal space, and consistency in enforcing boundaries, Miss Manners empowers the reader to take control of their social interactions and prioritize their own well-being.

Read the Full MLive Article at:
[ https://www.mlive.com/advice/2025/07/miss-manners-uninvited-people-keep-showing-up-at-my-house.html ]