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Early Communication & Boundary Setting: Plan Your Holiday Calendar

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  Published in Media and Entertainment on Saturday, November 15th 2025 at 21:20 GMT by Her Campus

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Navigating the Holidays with Divorced Parents: A College Student’s Three‑Step Guide

The holiday season is marketed as a time of joy, togetherness, and “the most wonderful time of the year.” For most college students it’s a chance to visit home, attend festive parties, and indulge in seasonal treats. For those whose families are split between two households, however, the period can become a logistical maze and an emotional minefield. In a candid piece for HerCampus, a senior at the University of Connecticut shares her own experience and offers three practical strategies that have helped her keep the holiday light—and her sanity—on a steady burn.

1. Communicate Early and Set Boundaries

The author opens with a simple truth: “If you wait until the last week to nail down plans, you’ll be scrambling to coordinate travel, meals, and holiday expectations.” She urges students to sit down with each parent (and any significant other who might be involved) as early as January or February. The key points of the conversation, according to her, are:

• Timeline and logistics – When will each family be available? What are the travel constraints? If one parent works a holiday shift, can they still host a mini‑family dinner?
• Roles and responsibilities – Who’s cooking, who’s cleaning, who’s handling gift exchanges? Clarifying these chores in advance reduces the “who’s‑doing‑what” arguments that often erupt on Christmas Eve.
• Boundary agreements – Setting limits on phone calls, social media “tagging,” or the number of visits each family can expect keeps the process from becoming an emotional tug‑of‑war. The author even suggests drafting a simple “Holiday Agreement” that both parties can sign as a friendly reminder of the agreed schedule.

A link within the article directs readers to UConn’s Family Resources page, which includes templates for holiday planning and communication guides that can be customized for divorced families. The author notes that having a written plan “protects you from misunderstandings and shows your parents that you’re serious about keeping the season calm.”

2. Create Flexible Traditions (and “Blended” Celebrations)

While the first step focuses on logistics, the second step encourages emotional flexibility. The article points out that traditional holiday rituals—such as a big family dinner on Christmas Eve, opening gifts at midnight, or singing carols together—can feel out of reach when you split time between two households. To keep the festive spirit alive, the author suggests:

• Hybrid Traditions – Instead of choosing one family to celebrate a particular event, she proposes doing “mini‑celebrations” at each house. For example, the family she lives with can host a holiday movie night, while the other household can have a small gift‑exchange morning. By rotating the rituals, each parent feels included without forcing a single, all‑or‑nothing celebration.
• New Traditions – She stresses the value of creating your own holiday memories that aren’t tied to a particular family. Examples include a “holiday self‑care day” on a quiet Saturday, a small “holiday fundraiser” where you donate to a charity you love, or a “virtual family circle” where both parents can see and hear each other via a video call during a shared activity.
• Flexibility with Timing – The article reminds readers that “the holidays are a moving target.” If the original schedule falls apart because of travel delays or illness, the author encourages you to have a backup plan, such as a holiday card exchange or a quick digital gift.

A referenced link to an online guide for blended families offers sample timelines for holiday planning, showing how to divide traditions fairly between two households.

3. Prioritize Self‑Care and Emotional Resilience

The author’s third tip is less about logistics and more about wellbeing. She acknowledges that the holiday season can trigger feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and even guilt—especially when you’re constantly juggling two parents’ expectations. Key takeaways include:

• Mental‑Health Check‑Ins – The article cites UConn’s Counseling Center resources and suggests scheduling a virtual or in‑person appointment before the holidays to build coping strategies. Techniques such as mindful breathing, gratitude journaling, or setting “mindful boundaries” are highlighted.
• Social‑Support Networks – The author encourages tapping into “family of choice” circles—friends, roommates, or campus support groups—who can share holiday moments. The HerCampus community itself serves as a platform where students discuss how they manage holidays with divorced parents and share coping tips.
• Digital Detox – A common stressor is the constant stream of holiday content on social media. The article recommends limiting scroll time, turning off notifications for holiday-related posts, and instead focusing on tangible, low‑stress activities such as a walk or a good book.
• Financial Self‑Care – Holiday gift‑giving can strain a college student’s budget. The author suggests gifting experiences (e.g., a movie ticket, a homemade craft) or using digital gift cards that can be split between parents. She also shares a budgeting worksheet found in the article’s links that helps students track holiday spending without going into debt.

A Few Extra Nuggets From the Article

The article’s tone is warm and relatable, peppered with anecdotes—such as the time the author accidentally mailed a gift to the wrong parent or how a shared holiday playlist became a new family tradition. A side note highlights the importance of acknowledging the emotional labor involved in “splitting the family.” The author invites readers to reframe the holidays not as a zero‑sum game but as an opportunity to practice empathy, compromise, and self‑compassion.

In addition to the three core tips, the article provides a list of recommended resources:

• UConn’s Family Resources page (templates, timeline planners, communication guides)
• Counseling Center Holiday Stress Guide (mindfulness exercises, budgeting sheets)
• HerCampus “Holiday Edition” community discussion thread (peer support, shared experiences)

Closing Thoughts

While the article is written from a personal perspective, its recommendations resonate broadly with college students navigating holiday logistics across two households. By planning early, forging flexible traditions, and prioritizing emotional health, students can keep the holiday spirit alive without sacrificing their well‑being. In a world where the “most wonderful time of the year” is often reduced to a single family gathering, this guide offers a refreshing reminder that joy can be distributed, shared, and, most importantly, created on your own terms.